The Old Monk who sold his Bacardi ^ !& # * @

19/06/2013

You see, a few months back, my daughter became richer by a Kindle reading device and has since been able devour ebooks (also) at an astonishing rate. However, though I would like to think that I occasionally like gadgets – when I want to read books, they had better be made of deadtrees. I am a sworn Luddite  in this respect – so the device did not really kindle my imagination and I was not drawn to it

Still, I would like to try out, just test waters with this kindle business, or so I thought – if there were  some suitable ebooks, may be I should give Kindle a shot too… Yes, I act mostly irrationally, you guessed it right.

… Lo and behold, this morn, one of my ol’ pals rings up and excitedly tells me that Amazon is making available some good free ebooks for kindle readers – just for a fortnight or so… and so why don’t I have a go at them and all that.

Now sirs and ma’ams – you must remember that I am also a proud Tamil, in whose veins the pure thoroughbred Tamil blood flows. So, anything available for free is immediately pounced upon, grabbed with greed  and hoarded away for future non-use by me. Anything that I chance upon reaches my home, when nobody is looking – except that, the new Anna Centenary Library in Chennai that I managed to visit a week back or so, was too big for me to carry home, which is actually rather sad, don’t you think? I really wish, I had my youthful Tamil energy to xerox all the books that I lay my hands on, download all the books that I chance upon – all purely for my personal consumption.

The fact that I believe is rebirths helps me enormously – as I have enough in store to last me for about 2000 odd next rerererebirths. But still, I thought, adding a few more cutesy ebooks that I can download for free and pretend to read on the Kindle (when my daughter is not looking – as she will not take kindle to it) — to my existing collection of about 1000000+ ebooks (only and growing) – is not too bad an idea…

So.

What do you think, I did? I desperately hunted down a viable Internet connection in my boondocks – and logged on to Amazon with greed and not much else — again Lo and Behold, who the hell do I see? Oh GAWD, what the book do I see?

The Wonk who continues to sell his trash....

The Wonk who continues to sell his trash….

Now, here’s where the story soured. Because I love Mr Robbing Sharma. I love his books. I have become great because I read his books. I have become a Monk in the hope of selling my Ferrari too. Hell, I have even become a leader, thanks to him. I read his ‘The Paint, The Barfer and the Ciao’ and I have built up my own collection of whizdom quotes! I think his books should NOT be given away for free. In fact, they should be priced so very high that only the rich, greatest and Monkey people should be able to buy his self-help hooksbibles…

I love him, love him, love him. I love him so much that my eyes have turned so glassy that I am not even able to look at wot i yam typping on skreen.  Shorry abovt dhat. I meen ti.

… I think this shock of having to download his free copulating ebook has really screwed up my perspective – but download, I MUST. I must man, I MUST. <click>

But then, this brings me to the topic of a Q & A session I had with a rather cretinous father (of a child that went to my classroom) a few years back.

He: Could you suggest some books for us to read so that we could ‘handle’ our children properly?

Me: Oh yeah, there are quite a few books. I shall give you a short list – if you want a longer one, you know, I can always give more; oh Boy, am I not happy to hear that you too like books!

<am having a tough time bringing down my rolled up eyeballs, they must have got stuck under the eyebrows>

He: Yeah, I love books. I read two books recently, um, two years back to be honest, and I got a lot of ‘learning’ from them. Frankly, my whole perspective on life changed on reading them. I also recommend that you read them.

The first one is: Stolen Bovey’s ‘Seven habits of highly effective Sperms;’ – in fact I await Stolen’s forthcoming title ‘Seven habits of highly horrendous ghosts.’ You know, there are rumours that actually this book is being ghostwritten, by a REAL ghost with a degree in literature – but I am convinced that it can’t be… Mr Bovey will give up his ghost, than do these kinds of unprincipled acts, unless he can come up with Seven Unprinciples of ghastly writing. Seriously..

The second one is, Robbing Sharma’s ‘The Old Monk who sold his Bacardi’ – oh what a spiritual classic, this is… Though it is just quarter the size of books that are at the same price point, it is pegged at a higher price in spite of its pint size, because it is truly a great alcoHolistic spiritual book.

And between Robbing and getting Stolen, I really have no time to read any other literature.

Me: Oh! I think I will read the Stolen and Robbing books at some point when I need to be tickled, I suppose! Anyway,  The first book that I would recommend is:

Random J Programmer’s ‘Learn Sumatra Hazy interprogramming in 30 days’ – this will hopefully keep you Dummy, away from bothering your child for at least 30 days.

He: Thank you, thank you for the suggestion – I like books written for dummies, cretins and dolts – and THIS book talks about the next generation languages of Java and Don’tSeeSharp – I love it. Yippie!!

Me: Okay, the next one will be ‘Remembrance of things past’ by Marcel Proust.

He: Why Proust, may I ask? Why can’t I read the great literature of a Sidney Sheldon or an Arundhati Roy?

Me: You see, it is a BIG novel of many parts and thousands of pages of terse text, but divine, unlike the fictions & fictitious nonfictions of the likes of Ms Roy. I also know that your brain size has shrunk to the level of Winnie the Pooh (‘I am a bear of a very small brain’) and it will take at least one year or so for you to complete the book. So, during that time, your child can actually try being a child and do childlike things, not bothering about your colleague’s children and what they score…

He: Okay, I will try – only because you are my old pal. I will take it as a challenge. What would be the next book?

Me: Jules Verne’s ‘Journey to the center of the earth.’

He: Yeah, yeah – I see the point. This could potentially make me explore the center of the earth… How exciting!

Me: …and hopefully not comeback too, for good. You know, you are so smart and still quick on the uptake as long as we don’t discuss children or anything that is sensible – after all, don’t I know you are from an IIT? You get the drift, I suppose; folks like you are probably good for composting. May you fertilize the daffodils soon.

— The End — (of me, that is!)

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2 Responses to “The Old Monk who sold his Bacardi ^ !& # * @”

  1. Sriram Says:

    I have a few books on my Kindle on iPad. Three pros: 1. The entire family could be reading the e-book on Kindle if you download the software to your laptop, PC, iPad, Kindle and so on. Kindle could be synchronized. 2. Some books are really, really cheap in e-form. For e.g.Why Nations Fail by Daron Acemoglu is some 110 bucks on Kindle while it is 419 bucks on Flipkart as paperback. However, this does not apply to all books and sometimes, price of an e-book is very close to that of a paperback. 3. Many books – besides all the classics, of course – come free!! Like Henry Dudeney’s “Amusements in Mathematics”, entire CK-12 Foundation’s excellent, downloadable free text books on many subjects (if you have not done so, please check out http://www.ck12.org).

    Having said that, I love the paper version. I love curling up on a chair, bed, anything and read a book and not hold my iPad. I also hold that reading Shakespeare in Kindle is sacrilege.

  2. ramasami Says:

    Sir Sriram,

    Thanks for all the suggestions (I did not know about this ck12) and for being a fellow trawler.

    These days I seem to have reached a higher level of Nirvana. I merely sit surrounded by books, keep staring at them, lost in a reverie or a nightmare depending on where the sun is – and hallucinate that I am actually reading them. And, I find this meditative and comforting. I must really be smoking weed.

    At this point I am really terrified as to what is going to be free ebook from that darn Amazon tomorrow, that I must download. Haranguedhati Roy? Satan Bhagat?? Mommeeee!!!


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