the impotence of being ARchiVist

15/05/2015

oops! sorry. erase erase. backspace backspace. ^H^H. delete delete. yo, i didn’t’ mean it. peace, peace.  look ma, no tricks.

... this kinda ARchiVist has only some random data taken from randomer archives - and then based on them - goes on to theorize  a whole series of generalizations and halfbaked, jaundiced hypotheses... and bazinga, he has suddenly become respectable! *&^@%#$ (pic off)

… this kinda ARchiVist has only some random data taken from randomer archives – and then based on them – goes on to theorize a whole series of generalizations and half-baked, jaundiced hypotheses… and bazinga, he has suddenly become respectable! *&^@%#$ (pic off)

tee hee. ha ha. hee haw. was reading a really wild oscar. and his importance of being earnest, in right earnest. so got carried away. apologies. but, this post is also a ‘trivial comedy for serious people,’ mind you…

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Do not become the archivist of facts. Try to penetrate to the secret of their occurrence, persistently search for the laws which govern them.

—  Bequest of Ivan Petrovich Pavlov (1849–1936), to the Academic Youth of His Country, Science , Volume 83, Number 2155, April 17, 1936 (p. 369)

…ya know, some of my best friends are archivists, the chief among them being, erm,  arv. not that arv, not the anti retro viral drug. me talking about arv aka ‘chalapathy’ – the archivist par excellence. the antihistorian. the antitranslator. the antiprofessor. the antiresearcher. the antiguide. the antiphilosopher. the antithinktanker. the professional obit writer. antiauthorittee on anything tamil!

so, an antitamil too, in all probablity. whaddaya say, is he antiprobablity too? umm,  mebbe

but then sir, he is ‘the hindu’ newspaper’s resident inhouse kook of weird imaginations. erudite discussions. put-on scholarliness. dravidian culture vulturedom. dmk’s foghorn. diehard fanboy of the self-respect movement. therefore, the champion of others-disrespect movement. save me, o’ mommeeeeee!!!!! the doer of shoddy research. the piler of data after incorrect data shorn of context. the layer of decontextualized drivel. the dealer of wheelers. the theorist of antitheses. imputationist of incorrect meanings. and oh, the works.

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fuck pavlov, fuck his theory of reflexes. dammit, fuck his fuckall advice. what have we got in tamilnadu but for random archivists? don’t we know that the archivists and peddlers of random takes, who strut about like virile peacocks – are the only intellectuals that we have been able to unearth & marshal in our dear dravidian motherland? virgin tamilland??

don’t you know pavlov, that all we have are – establishment researchers looking at lemuria and beyond with their jaundiced telescopes? that, all we have are hate-mongering theories masquerading as aryan-dravidian divide?? and fuckall discourses and falsified narratives and half-baked blathers glittering as history? fuck you, pavlov. shut the fuck up. we don’t need your friggin‘ advice, learned professor. go screw the nearest commissar. and the nearest polar bear. in that order. grr. we are deliriously happy with our learned and articulate researchers. we don’t need no education from you on research and ethics, got it – madman??

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why am picking on a desiccated lizard, which is bereft of any juice or flesh,  some learned pals ask. why don’t i pick on someone my calibre, my size – they beseech me!  oh well. good questions, fellas. gotta answer them with a straight face.

take#1: i am writing a polemic. and of course, a senseless polemic masquerading as a scholarly article, scribed by the archivist deserves nothing better. at least I call my polemic, a polemic. i have no pretensions.

take#2: well, i like to think that i hate anything banal. anything asinine. anything sham. anything ludicrous. anything that is dishonest. i like to think so, yeah? but the truth is very different. sorry. sorry to disappoint you. me villain. me very bad. me very stupid. me appalling. me very jealous. me bloody elitist.  me jackass troll. …so, fellas, lotsa apologies. the title is a bit in bad taste. i agree. but what to do. this is your lot. me a mixed bag, ya know. you don’t likey me, don’t linger.  go elsewhere. you may be wise. but, me needs no advice. need only vice. suffice to say, ahem. at this point of time and by the time you have reached this line of my offending post, you must be pretty disgusted with me. if not, go away. i mean – go away, anyway. there is no point in your trying to know more about detriti; yes. go waste your time somewhere else. say, at mid grade marijuna place itself. am informed that there is much smoke that emanates from there but surprisingly no spark, leave alone a fire. yeah?

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why am i ranting like this? a good question. you are bright. you may be endlessly peeved with me too, me with my pontifications and raving and ranting. i am definitely disgusted with me. …but as good ol’ laura ingalls wilder wrote – ‘things that have to be done, must be done cheerfully!’ – so you  get it??

and, there are three very cheerful reasons for my attitude towards arv; yes, isn’t arv all about cosmetic work and superficial repair?

reason#1: oh man, it is really, really unfortunate that jayakanthan (the great, pbuh) decided to move on, rather early in his life – thereby launching a thousand motherfuckin’ obits… poor chap, he wouldn’t have realized that millions of self-congratulatory words will be vomited out, masquerading as his obit. yes. that, arv also-ran and chose to write a nondescript obit – is this first reason.

oh where do i even begin, sir. my plight is truly terrible, terrible.

here is that dance macabre: Clash of the titans

or course, arv does not understand what clash is,  does not understand what/who are titans or what their clash was about and then goes on and on… the motherfuckin’ title should have been david vs goliathsuch was the youthful fury of jayakanthan facing upto evr ‘periyar’ naicker. such was the rage of jayakanthan against recidivist philistines.

anyway, more on this, later…

reason#2: oh gawd! why would jayalalithaa get a reprieve from the court proceedings? why would anyone in his or her  senses, conduct random rituals upholding the deeply cherished dravidian values of sycophancy and idiotic superstitions? why?
the reason is simple: so that, detriti such as arv could write a nauseating essay, starting with a stupidly mangled quotation of karl marx (as we say in my dear tamil, முதல் கோணல் முற்றும் கோணல்!); hope he knows what cliches are and who karl marx is. anyway, i like this repeated and bold attempts of arv at tragically repeating his farcical comedies. i love it, i love it, i love it.

here is the offending farticle off  ‘the hindu’: Amma’s apogee moment (who else would publish this useless drivel, and dmk fanboyism masquarading as some righteous outrage?)

… and what the fuck has the word ‘apogee’ got to do with the essay, either as a metaphor or as a content pointer? nothing whatsoever. it is just some random rhyme without reason as in amma-appa. stupid. i don’t even think, arv knows about the difference between perigee and gingee. or between apogee and bajji; sorry and boorry – as we proud tamils refer to  pooris.

… more on this too,  later

reason#3: during a seminar on iyothee thass, that was conducted a few months back in madrass institute of dev studies (mids), arv had some really petty things to say to the audience and particularly to the researchers of real calibre such as stalin rajangam; even by the non-existent standards of arv, it was really pathetic. taking potshots at other folks beyond the scope of the seminar, in spite of his being a ‘honoured’ chair of the proceedings was truly childish, at best.

but then, what else can one expect from the diehard dravidian intellectuals?

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… now, sirs and ma’ams – as a true teacher(hic), who revels in giving homework, i suggest that you go through the hi-falutin‘ blathers of arv,  (it is very difficult and demanding and very demeaning, i know) whose links are provided above, and list out at least 10 blunders and non-sequiturs in each. don’t overdo it. stop with 10 each please!

you need not post your take on his blathers for all to see, because that will break the suspense. so, don’t comment.

grr… oh the aggravation. :-(

in the meantime, life goes on.

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related links on arv aka ‘chalapthy’ which you may browse at your peril. you have been warned:
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2 Responses to “the impotence of being ARchiVist”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    You are totally right. I wish you had also castigated The Hindu for regularly foisting such shoddy drivel even on unsuspecting (or even suspecting) readers. It’s nothing less than a disgrace.


    • ya know, anon – some twenty or thirty years back, i did have some respect for this execrable newssheet. actually i did learn some new phrases such as ‘apropos of’ ‘to be continued’ ‘to be concluded’ ‘not without considering the fact that’ ‘mellifluous music transporting the audience’ etc etc.

      now, all we have are jewelry ads and a particularly bad reportage. english has also been suffering like hell. to top it all, we have the aforesaid ARchiVist.

      but, this newsheet is still way beyond the ‘pornographers to the nation’ such as times of india.

      my theory is that, since art buchwald died, the paper has been wanting to fill up this irony/sarcasm/comedy column – and all they could come with – are the likes of arv. good grief.

      why cant’ this smartypant arv, check a simple thing as a quote? and he has the gall to call it a cliche! *argh*

      does arv get *paid* for all this idiocy or what?? what a shoddy robber!

      grrr…

      ayyo! now *another* rant is welling up in me!

      __r. :-(


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