DANGER! N0H0P3 idiot flu virus pandemic

30/07/2015

[ This post is an old one, a version of which was written may be 6/7 years back or so. It is provided here purely for ‘educational’ purposes. ;-) ]

…Are you afraid that you are going to be one of those people who may die because of this A(H1N1) swine flu virus?

If you indeed do, probably you deserve to die ASAP one way or the other, anyway… Good riddance too.

This is because, you did not bother to check the facts.

You did not bother to read, digest, reflect on what’s happening.

But…  Did you realize that you will never get affected by these random and so-called life threatening viruses, if you had immunized yourself against this malevolent & omnipresent Idiot Flu N0H0P3 Virus?

What? You haven’t heard of this virus at all so far??

Hmm… No wonder you are beset with mortifying worries. Anyway, I am giving you some details regarding this pathogen, gratis… Ahem! ;-)

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Idiot Flu Virus (also known as N0H0P3): This is a fairly socialistic & gregarious virus and spreads across races, religions, sexes and continents.

But it attacks only human beings and after infiltrating into them, it uses their body (mostly their mouth and ears) to propagate further.

Lately, the mutant forms of it have become so media & technology savvy that they are able to ride on various carriers like emails (especially as ‘Fwd: fwd: Fwd: forwards’), noosepapers and chat rooms, not to mention the social nutworking sites such as Facebook; these days Twitter and WhatsApp are also doing a commendable job, I hear.

So. A majority of the world’s population is affected by this virus or its mutant versions (such as, H0P3L355 virus) one way or the other.

Here is a π  chart to elucidate the point, the point being pointlessness.

hopeless virus

The symptoms of the N0H0P3 attack are:

  • Spending more than a few hours per day in front of the TV looking at all the gory, syrupy and smutty news, ‘breaking news,’ ‘breaking air’ etc kind of reportage
  • Falling for any motherfuckin’ conspiracy, disaster, doom, destruction kind of news, hook, line and sinker (this happens because generally the brain is kept in safe deposit lockers)
  • Frequent visits to malls, restaurants and then on to slimming center and gyms
  • Constant bingingmunching on junk food
  • Viewing one too many of the classic films like Taare Zameen Par, Slumdog Millionaire (from India) or Rambo MCLXVI, Exterminator or Star Dregs (from USA) – that too pirated versions of them
  • Sending more than ten SMS messages per day, using the ‘Cell’ for more than 30000 minutes per day.
  • Tension (self inflicted, 100% of the time) filled life
  • Visit to pattaaya or swiss alps once an year to chill-out, I mean, to bribe the family
  • Inability to spend time with family because of the necessity to view from the armed chairs — formula one races or those infernal 20/20 (=0, enigmatically so!) kirikket matches
  • Incredible amounts of lethargy, gossip mongering capabilities and little else…
  • A lot of talking accompanied by zilch doing.
  • Having an informed(!) and fuckin’ deep opinion on anything (developed laboriously over 2 minutes!) because Google is oh so handy
  • Inability to see that body part that does it during urination, because of the intervening himalaya-sized ponderous paunch. (sorry, kyon ki paunch me parameshwar hai!)

Let me say that there is no hope of redemption from the attack of these virus variants except in the cases of human beings exhibiting one or more of the following attributes:

  • Ability to meaningfully question the basic assumptions, any assumption
  • Perseverance/diligence to do research, to seek out the truth
  • To know meaningless mass hysteria & random paranoia when one sees one
  • Richard Feyman-ish approaches to physics, life and everything

…With no hope of any kind of effective vaccine(!) in sight for this despicable, demented N0H0P3 virus, the only way for us to retain our sanity is to  develop our immunity, right?

We in the world desperately need more people who are resistant to the devilish attacks of the Idiot Flu Virus… Don’t we?

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…Especially, we, the hapless  Tamils who are living in the mediocre & nauseating Dravidian environs, need a whole lot of Antidotes to counter this Idiot Flu virus, don’t we?

END

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